


10 Seconds in Heaven

by Ceres_Libera



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 14:50:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/309021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceres_Libera/pseuds/Ceres_Libera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a prompt from Live Journal's buckle-up meme: <i>First time sex in fic is always magic and rainbows and perfect ... I want bad, awkward first time sex.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	10 Seconds in Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Totally silly, and should probably not be read by anyone. Crack-y, and ridiculous. I'm still not sure I should have claimed it.

+

When the room stopped spinning, Leonard pulled out of Jim, running a hand up his back in apology before he turned and dropped on the bed, stunned and scowling.

“Well,” he said bitterly, when he could talk, and wasn’t that just pitiful considering the minimal level of exertion that he’d put out? Damn it, he really was old now. “I’m sorry, Jim, but that was the worst sex I ever had, and it’s totally my fault.”

“Oh,” Jim said, in a muffled, yet pained voice. He was panting, and sounded as dizzy as Leonard felt. “It wasn’t _that_ bad, Bones.”

Leonard raised his head to stare at him, but Jim had yet to turn over from where, if he recalled correctly, Leonard had flipped him over rather violently in his haste because he’d been afraid – and _this_ was the kicker – that if he looked in Jim’s beautiful blue eyes, he’d come right away. He huffed out a bitter laugh.

Oh, the irony.

“Don’t pander to me, kid,” Leonard said with self-directed spite. “It’s been a damned long time, but I have had sex before, and if I lasted 10 seconds after I slid home, I’ll eat my regenerator.”

“Bones,” Jim protested, raising his head. He tried to turn over, but kind of flailed before flopping onto his back. He was moving oddly, which Leonard noted before returning his eyes to the intriguing ceiling over Jim’s bed, avoiding looking at Jim. “Wow,” Jim said, and Leonard lifted his head to see Jim staring at him, wide-eyed, before doing a double-take at the path of destruction they’d wreaked across the Captain’s quarters. “Did we _rip_ one of my boots?”

“And my pants,” Leonard said sullenly, crossing his arms over his chest. He was unbelievably damp and sticky, with little to show for it.

“Bones,” Jim began again, turning to face him. His head was moving really slowly on his neck, and Leonard narrowed his eyes. “My point is, that in that ten seconds you hit home, if you know what I’m saying.” Jim waggled an eyebrow and smirked.

Leonard glanced down Jim’s torso to see the evidence that he’d come. “Hooray for me,” he said dourly.

Jim chuckled. “Bones, seriously, man. Lighten up!”

Leonard raised his head off the pillow as Jim leaned over and wincing, ran a finger over his lips. “Jim,” he began to say.

“Bones,” Jim said, covering Leonard’s mouth. “I’ve had worse.”

Leonard’s eyebrows soared up to the deck above them. “There’s _worse_?!”

Jim out and out laughed. “So much worse, Bones. You have no idea. There was this one time –“ Jim caught sight of Leonard’s outraged expression and clearly changed his mind about continuing, swallowing whatever he was going to say. Instead, he pretended to cough, and then cleared his throat, looking pained. “Besides, I know what the problem is.”

“Oh, you do?” Leonard asked, ready for a fight.

Jim shrugged. “We should have done this sooner,” he said simply, and Leonard’s mouth snapped shut. “Maybe if we hadn’t waited for years, we would have been less …” His hand made evocative gestures in the air as he searched for words.

“Like sex-crazed weasels?” Leonard supplied, starting to smile.

“Or like an elephant trying to mate with a giraffe or something,” Jim said, laughing. “Seriously, Bones! The flailing! What was up with that?”

“It’s been a long time,” Leonard said, scowling. “For me, at least. You’ve been busy sticking your dick anywhere you can.”

“First of all, I was talking about me!” Jim said, “Second of all, we are shit at communicating. Third of all, I think we should make like a duty roster of who gets to do what to whom until we calm down.” He looked pointedly at his nightstand, where a drawer jutted out at a crazy angle. “First on the list: use lube.”

Leonard was shocked. And seriously, considering that today, before this fiasco, he’d treated two different crew members who’d gotten stuck to the canine-like Luperkalian that was fucking them, that was really saying something. “You want to do it _again_?”

Now Jim looked shocked. “Bones!” he said. He went to punch Leonard in the chest, but the swing was off, and the hit landed without much force. Jim winced. “I’m Jim Kirk! The man who doesn’t believe in the no-win scenario! Besides, I know 10 seconds of awesome when I feel it. Imagine what a minute will be like!”

Leonard cuffed him on his stupid head and they wrestled a little, giggling like idiots. “I’m still sorry, Jim,” Leonard said. “I haven’t blown that fast since I was twelve.”

“I don’t remember any blowing,” Jim said thoughtfully, squeezing Leonard’s ass.

After another bout of wrestling which Leonard totally won, he raised his head to contemplate Jim and was shocked at the blood on his face. “Jim! You’re bleeding!”

“Not me, Bones,” Jim said cheerfully, pulling on Leonard’s hips with one hand while he tried to line them up.

“Huh?” Leonard said dumbly.

“That’s you.”

“What?” Leonard lifted up off Jim’s body and looked at himself. “Where?”

“My theory?” Jim began. “You slid home and nailed me so hard that I came, and I threw my head back and well … I didn’t realize that you were so close.”

“Jesus,” Leonard said, feeling the bridge of his nose, which was tender, now that he was paying attention to it. He paused, feeling a swell of pride. “I _nailed_ you?”

“Seriously, Bones,” Jim said huskily, running a hand down his spine. “I don’t care what the Medical Board says – I’m certifying you as a proctologist.”

“You think you have the authority to do that after one test drive?” Leonard’s voice had dropped an octave. He ground down against Jim.

“Bones …”

He would never get enough of hearing Jim moan like that, never.

+

 _Two minutes later_

“Lube,” Leonard panted. “Jesus, next time we _have_ to use lube.”

Jim nodded, running his tongue over his upper teeth, looking pained. “I thaid that already,” he slurred.

“What now?!” Leonard asked.

“Are you a dentist, too, Bones?” Jim asked. “’cause I think I chipped a tooth.”

“Jesus, Jim,” Leonard said. “We’re a disaster.”

“An awesome disaster,” Jim said cheerfully. “Seriously, Bones. Practice makes perfect! And you know, I don’t think anybody’s ever wanted to fuck me as much as you do, so ...” He kissed Leonard fondly but with enthusiasm, and Leonard winced as his nose got jarred.

“I think you’re starting to get a shiner,” Jim said, drawing back.

“Fuck,” Leonard said.

“OK!” Jim said enthusiastically. “Except first, let’s take a shower and clean up – I’ll give you the best handjob of your life and then we’ll be able to take it slow. Oh, and we should probably change the sheets.”

Leonard raised an eyebrow, taking in the rumpled, bloody, sweaty, and otherwise-stained sheets. “I’ll see your shower and sheets, and raise you a blowjob,” he said, “ _after_ I put your shoulder back in the socket.” He really shouldn’t have _thrown_ Jim onto his stomach like that.

“Win-win,” Jim said happily, shrugging crookedly with the shoulder that would lift. “Just the way I like it.”

+

 _fin_


End file.
